Tarot People, Tarot Ways


You’ve got the hang of the structure, tried a few spreads and a deck or two and you’re curiously reading books by various authors.

And they all say that their method/deck/style/esoteric system is the only way to read Tarot.

Some of these authors are really cool. They’re very learned. They’re ceremonial magicians so they know their shit.

The way they use words is worthy of the booker prize. They’ve researched every esoteric text known to man.

They read only with spreads. They read without any spread. They read using seven decks and a pendulum. They only use THE ONE TRUE DECK.

There are elaborate rituals to undertake when you first open your deck. Every time you open your deck, before readings, between readings, at the end of the day to cleanse, protect and energise your space, your deck, your self and the querent.

The deck has a spirit. The deck has a little demon that needs taming before you can use it. The deck is nought but a bunch of pretty pictures and the magic is in you.

Tarot is only conceptual blending. Tarot is an exercise in psychism. Tarot is an act of magic. Tarot is a fortune telling tool. Tarot is a tool of psychological exploration. Tarot connects you to your spirit guides, to the Akashik records, to your higher self, to the collective conciousness, to source, to the angels.

You should not buy your first deck. You should not buy any deck. You should steal your first deck.

Cards with scenic numbered cards are the best. Cards with only patterns of their suit symbol on the numbered cards are best. Only use the major Arcana. Call the Major Arcana Trumps – it’s ‘more correct’. Better still don’t call it major arcana or trumps, call it the atoutes (this may be the wrong spelling).

Pair your readings down to the bare bones. Wax lyrical in your readings.

You can’t ever, under any circumstances read for yourself. Read for yourself .

Learn astrology in order to read. Learn a different application of astrology in order to read. Learn Kabbala, alchemy, latin and know the elements, how they work, which planets they are aligned to, which days of the week they correspond with and perhaps which smell and musical note they align with. USE ONLY CHALDEAN NUMEROLOGY, use only angel numbers, look at the picture and decide what the heap of objects on the card or the picture means regardless of number.

Know your birth card, your year card, the court card that is your significator. Give not one jot about any of the aforementioned personal cards.

Learn the opening of the key spread, the council of thirteen spread, the advanced celtic cross, the astrological house spread and the horseshoe spread.

Never answer yes/no questions. Answer them. Never try to work out timings with the Tarot. Work them out. Paraphrase crappy questions to get the best answers. Read on a stream of consciousnes and ask the universe ‘WTF?’

Manifest with the Tarot, play games with the Tarot, use it as an aide to creativity or as a book mark.

Never answer health questions, financial questions, love questions, questions involving third parties, questions about the querent’s pets. Answer them.

Keep your Tarot decks above head height, wrapped in silk in a consecrated, hand made wooden box with sacred objects and a sigil. Keep them in your back pack pocket in a tupperware tub to keep the rain out.

You must have a certification to prove you’re worthy. You don’t need a certificate to prove you’re worthy.

You can only be a Tarot reader of gravitas if you study an esoteric system and use your cards as part of your magickal practice. You can only be a reader of gravitas if you read Tarot cards that fit in with your spiritual or religious beliefs. You can only be a reader of gravitas if you read cards that were originally produced pre 1600 in France or Italy. You can only be a reader of gravitas if you read cards printed in London in the first half of the twentieth century.

Tarot authors have written books and so they must be right. About everything. Tarot authors are writing from their own perspective or have collected a bunch of others’ writings together in the same book.

The moral of the story is, find your mojo, read cards, read books, read cards. Most importantly, read cards and enjoy reading them. Don’t stress about them. This way you find a joy in reading them, and naturally find your own groove, incorporating practices that are authentically yours and authentically useful and deep to you and those you read for. As the dudes from Metallica once said, ‘Nothing Else Matters’.

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